Monday, 8 December 2008

Will Thursday EVER come?

God, it makes me wonder; will Thursday - the day that we're doing Christmas Carols on, and the day that I'm going to see him again - ever rear its seemingly beautiful, gorgeous angelic face? Maybe, if I don't think about it as much... it will come quicker? I mean, today, well, THAT just dragged on forever. A lot happens in one day you know. But it was bugging me how painfully slow each lesson was going. And the one lesson that I actually enjoy comes and goes like emotions of a 13 year old girl do (that's quick, for those of you who are physically unable to understand my advanced way of thinking). I love him so much that I can't even go four days without seeing him?
z
What sort of a retard am I? (and no, you don't answer that.)
z
Love Deanna xxx

With you...

Oh, I'm sorry, but I couldn't help but write a poem on the events of the Christmas Fayre, and I thought that I would share it with you...
z
With You
z
You came in the room
And I saw you;
Shining like the sun,
And I remembered; why so long ago
I knew you were 'the one'.
z
Your eyes shone like stars
In the night sky,
And; I started to shake
So scared that you were just a dream;
That I was soon going to wake.
z
It was so lovely;
To see you again,
But I sort of wish you weren't there,
I was starting to learn to live without you
After you left me lost in despair.
z
I don't mean to say
It in such a manner
That you think I didn't want to,
But because of that day - my life is so special
All because it was spent with you.
z
What do you think of that?
z
Love Deanna xxx

Saturday, 6 December 2008

I'm the happiest person on Earth!

Oh. My. GOD!!! I feel so happy, which I haven't done in a while. I wonder why? Well, you remember the person that I cried over for eleven days? I went to the Christmas Fayre today, at the church that is just next door. It started at 11 O'clock, and I got there at about 1 ish (the trains were being retarded). I walked around, bought a couple of things, and then I looked over to the door. And there he was. I think I actually took a 6 time take, to make sure that I wasn't hallucinating! And then, for some extremely odd reason, I avoided him. Then I started shaking, and then my knees started to feel weak, and all I could think was, 'oh, for God's sake, don't give way on me now! Then he came over and was like, "Hey. How are you?" and all I could say was, "Better, now that you're here." And then I started talking to him, and now he's going to come to the Christmas Carols! He was like, "oh, I'm going to have to go soon. When can I see you again?" So I said the Christmas carols, and I said that I'll get a friend that goes to his mum for piano lessons to keep him posted.
z
Yay me!!! I'm happy again!!!
z
Love Deanna xxx

Thursday, 27 November 2008

And the river runs through...

Sorry, I haven't been on in a while. Been busy, you know the usual - cabarets, and being sick (cough cough).
Right. What I really want to say is... I was looking at a calendar the other day, and as I turned the page, I found myself gazing at the most superbly gorgeous picture of a river flowing through a forest. Why is it, I wondered, that so many of us are drawn to the sight and sound of moving water? I can't explain it fully, yet, from my own experiences I know that a river can be a good place of thought, inspiration and comfort, opening our mind to the beauty of the world surrounding us. It heightens your senses, taking them to such heights that you could hear the quietest of animals a mile off.
The quiet gurgling sound is one that, somehow, offers us great comfort and allows us to let out feelings that we have bottled up unnecessarily for reasons that we ourselves cannot even begin to understand. It allows us to cry about things that your body has never let you cry about before, even when you know that to let go you need to cry, yet your body stops your mind revisiting these painful memories for reasons better left unsaid.
z
Long may these beautiful things of nature flow, and let our hearts be forever healed by them.
z
Love Deanna xxx

Monday, 17 November 2008

The stupid twat I met on the train...

Yes James, I mean you. Well done if you knew that already. For those of you who are thinking, "who the hell is this James kid?" Basically, he is this rather sweet, sometimes annoying, Year eleven who on top of all that, goes to Ardingly. Its a very expensive, very posh school in... Ardingly. (Well, where else would it be you plonkers?!?) Some days, he's fine, normal, nice to talk to... and others he's rowdy, loud, sarcastic... need I go on? But, all in all, he is a really nice person, if a little posh. Well, I can talk, I come from Worthing! (Well, okay, so does he). He's a computer whizz, types faster than you can say the words, and all in all, is a right little smart-arse.
And yet I still talk to him whenever I see him. The question why that is still remains... Politeness? Habit? Okay, I know the real reason. But I'm not telling you. As if! Figure it out on your own, you sausages.
z
...No, I'm still not telling you.
z
Love Deanna xxx

Wednesday, 12 November 2008

Judging books by their covers...

God, I hate it when people do that. Judge you on how pretty you are, not what your personality is like. I hate shallow people. Its like when you like someone, and you tell your best friend because you think that they'll respect your judgement, and they turn around and say, 'ugh, he's ugly'. One of my friends did it to me once, and I said, 'yes; that's because I'm not a shallow, ignorant twat like you are'. And she stormed off. No surprises there. Turns out now that this person is now one of my bestest friends in the whole wide universe.
Anyway, okay, I admit; I'm not completely deep (you know, the opposite to shallow). I am a bit shallow as well. But if you think about it; we're all shallow on a day to day basis. Take this scenario: You are reading Sugar, and there's an article about... Jesse McCartney. There's a picture of him with... jeans on and no top. What is your immediate reaction? 'Wow, he's fit,' right? Or something along the lines of that. You see? Everyone does it.
z
Even I do. So why does it annoy the hell out of me?
z
Love Deanna xxx

Tuesday, 11 November 2008

Unfaithful much?

God, this is going to sound so strange, but don't you ever wonder if you'll ever find love? I always feel like, when I get older, I'll be eternally cursed to a life alone. And then if I do ever find love, I'm always worried that I'll be unfaithful. I know that I've got a lot of time to get there, but I do find the mere prospect of spending my life alone really scary.
And another thing. When you get hit by love, and you know, eventually it fades, then afterwards, all you want is love. Nothing else is anywhere near as important. And, when you're a kid, you have all these fantasies that you'll become a vet, and when you are older and are sure that you want to be a vet, even that comes second to the... need you'll feel to be loved. Its like a constant feeling that, unfortunately, is both painful and the sort of feeling that doesn't go away with a cup of hot chocolate and a hug from your mum. Is there really a solution to love sickness?
z
And so the debate continues...
z
Love Deanna xxx

Monday, 10 November 2008

All's fair in love and war...

Wow, its terrible when your two best friends fight over nothing. I just feel like I'm sort of stuck in the middle. Have you ever felt like that? My best friends in the whole world are quabbling a few lost words...
...And I hate it. They just won't stop.

What should I do?

Love Deanna xxx

Saturday, 8 November 2008

Is homework really necessary?

Ha! NO. I don't see the point in having to do hours of work at home that you've already done in class. That's just a sign that the teacher doesn't teach it properly. Isn't it?
Well, okay, it COULD be used as a way of seeing if the pupil actually understands the work, and that they weren't just copying off of the boffin sitting next to them in class, but then you could just get your parents to tell you the answers (providing they actually have half a brain). It works both ways. And then you get the not-so smart ass kids that get all the answers off the net, and come test time in class, they have no clue whatsoever on the answers to the question. And then the teacher wonders why their star pupil has gotten the lowest mark out of the bunch. Hello! Wake up and smell the coffee here people! No way can a child that has been getting all their homework right (because they've been blackmailing dad into doing it) get a low mark! And then what makes it worse is when the child asks the teacher for no help in class because they don't want to look stupid (which they are) and then the next day the child hasn't done their homework because 'they didn't get it'. Then they get shouted at for being lazy. What is the point?!?
z
Dear God, help us!
z
Love Deanna xxx

Friday, 7 November 2008

How I see you...

This is one of my better poems about the person I cried for for eleven days. Enjoy...

How I see you.
z
I stared into your beautiful eyes
As blue and as deep as the sea
And I thought to myself "I bet no one ever
Notices his eyes as much as me".
z
I looked upon your soft pale skin
As white as fresh-fallen snow
And I thought to myself "he looks like an angel
With that heavenly soft gold glow".
z
I gazed upon your gorgeous blond hair
As it swayed in the morning breeze
And I thought to myself "he's just so perfect
And it happens to be my heart he's seized".
z
This is how I'll remember you
Even though you've left.
You will always be in my dreams
When I lay down to rest.
z
What do you think of that?
z
Love Deanna xxx

11 days...

Okay, as stupid as this may sound, is there any point crying for eleven days over losing someone you love? I don't think there is. Because I've done it. Now, I'm not going to go into detail, but there was this... person. And we were really close. Then, the day before the end of term, they tell me that they're leaving school. It wouldn't be a problem to stay in contact with them if I actually lived where I went to school. But I don't. Here's my issue: I live in the small, remote town of Worthing, near Brighton. I go to school in Central London, a good sixty-five miles from where I actually live. And the person lives about a 5-10 minute walk from where I go to school. My problem is, I don't know where exactly he lives.
So, he left, blah-blah, and I couldn't stop crying. It was like losing a brother. I wasn't eating properly (not that I am now), my hair started breaking off at the front from stress, I started to hate myself; telling myself that I was never nice enough, never there for him enough and telling myself that I was the reason he left. Then, I started crying at songs like With you (Chris Brown), No Air (Jordin Sparks ft. Chris Brown) and The man who can't be moved (The Script.) And then I started writing poetry to vent my feelings. Tons upon tons of it. Page after beautiful page. I finally felt like I was in control of myself and my emotions. I don't write so much now, but I do the occasional one. I guess I don't have so much to write about now. Or do I?

To be continued...

Love Deanna xxx

Thursday, 6 November 2008

Friendship turned relationship...

The age old question. Is this a good thing or a bad thing? You know, when you're really good friends with someone and then you start going out with them... Is it even legal? I mean, there's the saying that the best relationships blossom from good friendships, but there's always the comment, 'oh, i thought that we were too good friends for that'. Which is, quite frankly, annoying. And how are you ever supposed to know the difference between a really good friendship and a potential relationship? Is there even a difference? If there is, then what are the differences? And how do you know if he's 'the one' for definite? Does true love only come once in a lifetime? Has it ever decided to never hit? You know, when you find true love and then lose it pretty soon after, you'll never feel the same again. Because it will always feel like a piece of you is missing. And, as unfortunate as the matter is, if you find true love but neither of you ever do anything about it, it eventually fades. A little each day, until it just isn't there anymore. You know when it has started to fade because you start to see all the little flaws in him (or her) that everyone else has always seen. Like Terri Whats-her-name and Simon Cowell. She realised eventually that he wouldn't commit and saw that he was a bit of a ladies man (and also there was a rumour going round that he was cheating on her).

It may be one of the most beautiful and magical things you'll ever experience in life, but why does it always have to be so damn painful?

Love Deanna xxx

Wednesday, 5 November 2008

To give you but a few...

Okay, what this is about is basically, I write a lot of love quotes and poetry. So, I thought that I'd give you a taster... (of the love quotes, at least)

  • There is no perfect love; it doesn't exist, but only what we think is perfect love.
  • Love is like fireworks; from afar it seems beautiful, but get too close and you only get hurt.
  • You don't love someone because they're beautiful, they're beautiful because you love them.
  • When you fall in love, the world revolves around him, and should he ever leave your life, the world will stop revolving.
  • When love finally hits, it will never leave you to think in peace.
  • Love is like a minefield. Take one step, and you get blown to shreds. Then, when you finally pick yourself up, you take another step and are blown to shreds again.
  • If you find true love and then lose it, nothing will ever be the same.
  • Life can be a bitch, but you carry on living if only for him.
  • When you can't wait for tomorrow only to see him, you know you're in love.
  • Love is a lovely thing;there is no denying it, but it will bleed you dry, break your heart a million times over, make your eyes cry until they can cry no more, and by doing so it will send you insane.
  • If he ever leaves your life involuntarily, crying for eleven days won't bring him back.

What do you think?

Love Deanna xxx

Barak Obama for President!

I am so happy that Barack Obama won the Presidential Election, because, personally, I think that John McCain is a sausage (I use this word a lot). He is an old man and would probably die under the stress. But either way, whichever one had won it, it would have made history. McCain would've been the oldest person ever to take the White house, and Obama is the first black President. But McCain wanted to keep all the troops in Iraq, and Obama has promised that all the British and American troops are being withdrawn from there. He doesn't actually take over from George W. Bush until the 21st of January. And another thing. George Bush is an Idiot with a capital I. he's the reason that there are any US or UK soldiers in Iraq in the first place.
z
What do you think on Barack Obama, and should he have won the election?
z
Love Deanna xxx

Tuesday, 4 November 2008

Yo Peeps!

Wow. First blog. Bit scary. However, should you ever follow this blog, what it really is, is a look into the weird, wonderful, and rather complicated world that is Deanna's World. The complex web of lies, betrayal, love and suicide (okay, that last one's a joke). So dramatic, it could be a drama series. It seems a bit melo-dramatic, and it could well be, but I'll let you decide that one. Because, unfortunately, my world consists of one drama after another, one tragedy after another, and I don't think that it will ever change. Well, it's unlikely to. And as the blogs keep coming, you might notice that I put myself down. A LOT. But I actually do it in real life, so this isn't out of the ordinary.

Lastly, Enjoy People!

Love Deanna
xxxx