Thursday, 26 February 2009

Suicidal...

Okay, I've had another good day. :)

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But that isn't what I want to talk about. I want to discuss why exactly, everyone decides to commit suicide by jumping on the train tracks. Its ridiculous. I was stuck at my station, for TWO HOURS. All because some random person thought that slitting his wrists was far too common and conventional, so he decides to jump on the train tracks. At least 4,000 people were affected by one man jumping on the tracks. And don't get me wrong, I feel for his or her family and all, because I wouldn't wish that on anyone, but COME ON. There are much easier ways to do it. And ways that won't affect everyone who lives on the South coast and works/goes to school/goes to college in London.
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And why do it anyway? Who'd want to leave this credit crunchy, dying world?

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On the plus side, its my birthday on Saturday :)
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Love Deanna xxx

Wednesday, 25 February 2009

Feelin' hot hot hot... ARRRIBA!!!

Sorry. Slightly hyper from having two... maybe three good days in a row. Hasn't happened since I was God only knows how old. But its a long time. So...
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I can't believe it. I had to deal with about five of my friends arguing... over... wait for it... hair extensions. LAME!!! I wasn't taking sides on the whole thing. I thought that it was slightly stupid, to be honest. But, the circle of life goes on...
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So, I'm so strange I can't turn off a radio. BUT I'm not the only one who can't. Apparently, Ne-Yo can't, either. I'm such a big fan of him, and this song, released in 2006, was the icing on the cake that made me a religious listener. Love the beats that he puts behind his music... even if, on his new album, 'Year Of The Gentleman', one song 'Lie To Me' sounds like he's sniffing cocaine in the background. :)
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Still need your prayers for my boy, B - his mum is still in hospital, as far as I know. She is on the road to recovery, and all it was, was that her immune system was weak, and her potassium levels and her electrolytes were too low. So, she'll get them back up and she'll be fine...
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On B's behalf, thank you to all who prayed for her... prayers have been answered... Thank you.
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Love Deanna xxx

Tuesday, 24 February 2009

Why can't I turn off the radio?

Okay, B.The word verification is still not working, so I'll post my comment on the end of this post. Its a must-read. Promise. The comment, not so much the blog :)
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Anyway...
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God, I had such a good day today. Now that hasn't happened in a while. I don't know why, maybe because I found out that I don't have cabaret on my birthday. Maybe because my life seems to be getting better. Finally. Maybe because I went shopping today and bought the most gorgeous top that fits like a glove. I'll have to get a picture of it and post it on here. Maybe because I have a good feeling about B's mother getting better. Him and his mother need and deserve all your prayers, so anyone reading this, please do send your prayers to B.

But one thing. Its one song. Wrenches up such painful memories. 'With you', by Chris Brown. And, as you might know, it comes on the radio quite frequently. Depending on what radio station you listen to. So ,it comes on the radio. I sit there. Memories wash over me. It feels like I'm drowning in a horrible, heartbreaking sea of hurt. But, no matter how hard I try, I can't bring myself to switch radio stations to stop the pain. Hurt. I sit there through the entire song, tears silently escaping my eyes. Then, the song finishes. Every feeling I had whilst it remained on, completely vanished. And I was back to normal.
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So, why can't I turn off the radio?
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Love Deanna xxx

Monday, 23 February 2009

This one's for you, B.

Okay, here's the thing. I wanted to post a comment on one of the blogs I follow. BUT. The word verification thingy. Wasn't working. So, I needed to write it somewhere, where better than my blog? Most of you, have NO IDEA what I'll be rattling on about in this post, So, if your name isn't Brian, you might as well ignore it :)
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Hey, its only me B, no one interesting :)
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Aw, B!!! Bless you, my prayers are with you and your mother, now and as long as you need them :) Sounds like me when I have to go to the hospital, most horrible day of the week. Blood test after blood test, Ultrasounds, and the occasional question, 'is there any chance that you might be pregnant?' NOOOOOO!!!!!! Duh. But, anyways... I hope, that she gets better soon, and I hope its nothing serious.
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Also...I just thought I'd thank you. For everything. I don't wanna scare you off, please keep readin, hear me out :)
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First off, I got up at 4:30 this morning (don't go there) and altogether, have had a crappy day. So, I get home. Log onto my blog, and what do I find? A comment. From you. It was the most comforting and confidence boosting thing I've read in a long time. So, thanks. Thought you should know.
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And yes, things are better, I've been hurt so bad by so many guys, its nice to know that there ARE nice ones out there :)
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So, thanks, B.
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Best wishes, Love Deanna xxx

Sunday, 22 February 2009

More than a friend.

Haven't written one in a while, so I thought that I'd share this one with you. Yes, its a poem. Enjoy.
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More than a friend.
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Your soft pale skin against mine,
The way your eyes sparkle when you smile,
The way you brighten up my day
If only for a while.
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Your pink, full lips kissing my cheek
The way the sun shines on your nether,
The way you lift me into your arms
Like I’m as light as a feather.
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The way you grasp my hand a little tighter,
You way of showing me you care,
The way you call my name so softly
When you know I’ve had too much to bear.
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The way you smile when I laugh,
The way your hugs with me have no end,
There’s a million more things I could say about you,
For to me you’re much more than a friend.
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Hope you like it. I think its one of my better ones :) About... well. You don't need to know that.
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Love Deanna xxx

Saturday, 21 February 2009

A loud silence.

Sitting at the dinner table. Trying to enjoy my fathers disgustingly burnt cuisine. Eating horribly bland salad. My parents occasionally glancing at each other and me to see who's going to break the loud, painful silence. My father makes some catty remark about the pepperoni on the pizza going to waste and if I wanted it. Me, just as snappy replying that if I wanted it, I would've eaten it by now. He eats it. Me, still quite snappy at him because he's making us sit there and eat this dinner that resembled hockey pucks, makes a remark about what we'd do if we didn't have him. Very sarcastically. So he snaps back, 'not much.' And I'm sitting there, my mother absolutely speechless across the table, and I turn away from them both, not wanting them to see the tears that roll down my cheeks. Realising that this isn't a life that I want to live. A constant war between me and my mum, me and my dad, my dad and my mum. This infinitive feeling that you can't say anything without someone ripping your head off over it. The love is there, just we don't show it. Actually, thinking about it, I can't hold up my half of the bargain of the love anymore. I'm too inflicted by pain.
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Sniff sniff; it hurts.
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Love Deanna xxx

Friday, 20 February 2009

And so the bubby is born...

Yes, I've mixed things up a bit with the look of my blog. Even more boring? More colourful? Its still growing on me. I'll see how I feel about the whole thing in a couple of days.
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Anyway...
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My brother, Andrew, and his girlfriend of 5 years (an... educated guess) officially have a little bundle of cute to call their own. HOW SWEET!!! First off, its a he. This he is called Ethan, and he weighed a healthy 7lbs 6oz. Oh yes, I'm an Aunt all over again. This is the fourth time. Twice with my oldest sister, Hannah, with her kids Kiera, 4, and Luca, 2, and the other with my sister Kelly with Lewis, 1. Only problem is, there are now three boys, and one girl out of the lil' tykes. I wanted another girl to even up the numbers! But okay, Luca and Lewis are cute and very, VERY funny, but it just would've been nice to have another gorgeous little bundle of girly goodness. Kiera is hysterical. I've never met a four-year-old that is so funny. The things she comes out with... :)
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Aw, the kids are so cute until they start ripping out your hair, aren't they?
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Love Deanna xxx

Love ain't no two way thang...

Its not! there's a saying; 'better to give than to receive', and then there's 'one cannot love without being loved.' Truth of the matter is, I've only ever been loved by one group of people in my life, and okay, its a pretty big group, but they are my family. And I've loved a few people on top of that. But they've never loved me back, and I've survived pretty well up to now. Then again... the constant feeling that sits within me isn't pleasant. Its the feeling that you know that you aren't loved by anyone other than your family. Its that feeling that you can't shake, like you're giving far too much and aren't receiving anything in return. Then, of course, there is my first quote, which is obviously referring to National Holidays. Not love. It is better to give than to receive, BUT it feels nicer to receive love than to give it. And it feels even better to give it AND receive it. And yes, I've just kinda contradicted myself. But I like to give opinions that everyone can relate to. Okay, that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. But you know what I mean.
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Don't you?
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Love Deanna xxx

Tuesday, 3 February 2009

Snow day!

God, I love snow days. It gives you an excuse to sit around in the house and do nothing. Or go into your garden and cover your annoying 6 year old cousin in strategically thrown snowballs (and taking a couple hits from your mum too). Or revise (yuck). Or bake some cookies (emo love and care went into every one, I promise). Or you could finish off homework (that took FOREVER). Or run up your parents credit card bill by shopping online at net-a-porter.com (which, by the way, only sells designer clothes. The cheapest item I found was a dress for £110) by purchasing a dress that cost at least £3,420. It was pretty, So sue me. I had great fun on Monday and Tuesday doing all this. And, no doubt, I'll have great fun spending more of my dads money tomorrow, because my transport is retarded. As usual. My trains? Up the wall. The tubes? AWOL. My bed? Cosy. Lovely.
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Can I hibernate in it until the summer, please?
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Love Deanna xxx